Ben Esra telefonda seni bosaltmami ister misin?
Telefon Numaram: 00237 8000 92 32
Ch5- The Beautiful
I hated them! They were my parents. How could they be like that? Did they not have slightest ounce of humanity? I was their freaking SON! All those stories about happy ‘coming outs’, all a pile of bull shit! I was angry, I was hurt and I was scared.
I was angry at god for making me like this- GAY. Why me? Why did I have those sorts of parents? I was angry at myself for being so stupid to think that I could tell them. I clenched my fists and cried till I couldn’t take it myself.
“What did they say?” Stan asked his voice cutting through my thoughts.
“I don’t really want to talk about it. I knew it was a bad idea. It was no use telling them.” I began crying again. Hell I wanted to talk about it. I wished I could pour out my heart onto someone else, someone who wouldn’t judge me.
Stan stopped the car to the side. He wrapped his hands around me and I cried on his chest, probably soaking his shirt through. “Its ok, it will be fine.” He said stroking my hair.
“I’ll tell you what why don’t you come home, were only a couple of minutes away and stay with me till you figure things out. Anyways tomorrow is thanksgiving, so you might as well just stay.” He said.
I looked at him straight into his eyes. They weren’t the same as Chris’, but I was being such an ungrateful person. Here I was weeping and shivering in the hands of one of the dreamiest boys, who was comforting me and taking care of me, and all I could think of was Chris.
I was such a waste and I felt like it too.
Stan drove up the lane into a gate. I looked up teary eyed. My mouth dropped. Parents farm house my ass. It was a mansion. I suddenly felt like a loser with my problems, weak and pathetic.
“I thought you lived in a farm house?” I asked him from behind my tears, a smile creeping up my face.
“Well……” He smiled. He leaned forward and kissed me. His soft lips felt like heaven after all the shit I’ve faced. I could just stare at them all day and I would be satisfied.
We got down from the car and headed to the door. I followed behind him.
There was a note on the table-
“We’ve gone out, will be late don’t wait –
Stan crumpled the note and took me up to his “room”. It was more like a floor. His house was exactly the types you see on cribs. The real expensive types- high ceilings, chandeliers, marble floors, lush curtains.
He ushered me onto the bed and we snuggled under the blankets till I dozed off.
I woke up with a start and looked at my watch. It was 12:30. I turned to see Stan. He was lying still motionless. His body basked in the crystal white moonlight. His physique made me feel like a fat ass. He was really magnificent. His blonde hair, his flawless lips.
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I thanked that very freaking god for blessing him with such a lovely Home and parents. If there was one thing that my Parents taught me was to be grateful for others.
Then Chris’ smiling face swept across my mind. He was so kind and offered support. My heart thudded. I felt the ache Again. I was pathetic. No I was worse I was a slut. I was moaning over the one boy that was unachievable and in my own selfishness I forgot about the one who actually loved me.
I could never love Stan. I could never love anyone other than Chris. I got out of bed and walked over to his study and scribbled on a piece of paper.
By the time you wake up I would be gone. I didn’t want to sound emo but I can’t help it, that’s how useless I am. I’m really grateful for your generosity and love and care. But I cannot do this anymore I can’t hurt you anymore.
You were right that day. I think I am in love with Chris. And I know how ungrateful I must seem right now. But I truly mean this – I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone who will love you back
and someone if there is ever who has a heart bigger than yours.
Oh great this is making me cry. Thank you so much for being there when I needed you the most……..you really do deserve better. Before I go I still remember what you said and I know for sure now – 13th hall avenue but I guess it’s too late for that now.
I’m really sorry and I wouldn’t be upset if you hated me. But I hope you of all people you would understand.
I wept. This was the hardest thing to do, but I knew it was what I had to do. I grabbed my bag and bolted out. I ran down the street and onto the main road. I turned a corner and walked northwards, the opposite direction from my house.
I moved inwards, the winter air biting cold. The city was alive and merry. Families gathered and sat around laughing and drinking. I couldn’t handle it. I walked into one of the more desolate locations. Boys my age were smoking around on the side. I hurried my pace, till I reached another turn out of their sight and then I slowed down. I walked past a building when a hand grabbed my from behind and I felt something hard pound into my head.
I antalya escort winced in pain and before I knew it I lost consciousness.
I didn’t know where I was or what time it was when I got up. I wasn’t on the street anymore. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. There was total darkness. I felt a shooting pain in my head and I moved my hand upwards. I felt the bruise and everything came back to me. Someone had hit me and I had lost consciousness. I searched around the dark room, my eyes adjusting gradually to the lack of light.
It was only then did I realize that I didn’t have my shirt or pants on…….hundred different thoughts came rushing to mind. I searched around for my bag. Did What I think really happen happen?
I got up in my underwear my feet bare. I was still groggy and my movements disjointed. I felt around the room till I reached what felt like a door.
I opened it, funny it was unlocked. I walked out into the piercing sun. My eyes closed and my head throbbed as my sensitive eyes adjusted to the light. It was freezing cold and I was half naked on the road on thanksgiving.
I didn’t know what to do. I left the door half open and went back into the room to see where my clothes and bag was. It was only then did I realize that this wasn’t a room, it was a storage godown. I looked around the room till I spotted my bag. I opened it half of everything
inside was gone. My laptop, all of my money, and half of my underwear?!
I pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans and jumped into them before putting on the only sweater I had left in the bag. I searched for my cell phone. Did I even take my phone when I left? I couldn’t remember.
There was only one thing I knew for sure I had gotten mugged nothing else. This wasn’t my first time…. And I didn’t seem to have learnt from my previous encounters.
I walked out of the deserted godown. I didn’t have any shoes and it was no use wearing socks. My feet were freezing. I improvised and wore all the pairs of socks I had remaining and ran
down the street. I got onto the main road and looked around for some familiar place.
It was odd I couldn’t recognize a single building in the locality. I mean I had been here a year now and I knew St. Paul in and out. I walked up the road with my backpack slouched over my shoulders. It was hopeless to continue on the main road but I dared not turn inwards again. I walked up a little more and decided I had to move inwards.
I continued into the desolate alleyways, narrow and cramped, past icky looking houses. Turning was a mistake. This place was filled with drunks and people who looked like they would kill me. One guy winked at me and poured his lips as to kiss me.
I pulled my backpack closer and walked on. I was halfway down the lane when someone grabbed me from behind. It was one of the homeless vagabonds. He held me tight till one of his accompanists joined him. They took turns looking at me. I closed my eyes and a tear trickled down my cheek.
“Oh pretty boy is he,” one of them said. I could feel his face inches from mine, his breath reeking of alcohol.
I was going to kick him any second and run.
“Oh but look this guy ain’t got no shoes. Lonely guy eh? Maybe he needs some loving.” One of them suggested. That was it. I kicked the one holding me and ran. I ran as fast as my feet were willing to
comply. I reached the corner ignoring anything behind me. I turned once again and rammed into a moving car.
“Oye watch it.” The man yelled from inside.
“Sorry but someone’s after me,” I panted out, looking behind me. The passenger side of the car door opened.
“Get in. You shouldn’t be here in this part of town anyways.” The man said as I sat down. I really wasn’t paying any attention to him; I was more worried about the people who I just ran away from. Surely they wouldn’t follow me now.
This whole coming out thing was turning into one of those really bad dreams where the clown eats everyone at the carnival.
I relaxed and saw the man in whom I laid my trust. Wow! Wonder of wonders! No it wasn’t Stan. I know that’s what y’all are thinking. It wasn’t Chris either. Big whoop!
It was some guy I didn’t know. But my god wouldn’t I like to get to know him. We were far away from the street now and I eased up. I mean I know it must seem ridiculous that everyone I’ve mentioned here seemed to be really hot and attractive but honestly this town
seemed to be full of them. Well I was the only exception.
Maybe he wasn’t perfect like Chris or really cute like Stan but in the moment he was a god sent angel……a regular ruggedly handsome guy.
“Uh…. I’m Jake by the way.” I said trying to stop myself from staring at him.
He had sharp piercing blue eyes. Coincidence much. Really blue. His eyes were like clean swimming pool water- beautiful blue. I could actually swim in them.
He had faint pink lips which really didn’t suit his voice. They were not very whole but crooked fethiye escort into a smile at the corner
“Well I’m flattered that you are interested in my face but your staring is really distracting me. I don’t think I can concentrate on driving if you keep it up.” He smiled.
OMG! Oral hygiene A1. He had beautiful dimples when he smiled that accentuated his square jaw. He had the softest grey hair and pale skin. He looked like someone off Sims or those anime on TV.
I turned back to see the road in front of me. I kept glancing back at his face, each time observing a new feature. He was not exactly young. But his grey hair wasn’t an indication of that. He would have been in his mid 30s.
“So where do you want me to drop you? Oh and I’m Will- William Page.” he said before he turned to see my face for a reply.
He studied me for a second and then realized. “Oh…..are you running away or……” his voice trailed off. I knew what they or meant.
“Well both,” I said, “my parents are dead to me now and I’m not going to stay at my aunt’s house while they are here.” That might have come out worse than I wanted but my heart felt like it was right.
He looked at me once again and stopped the car on the side. “I just noticed your bleeding or you did bleed, do you want me to take you to a hospital?” He asked politely. His voice shackled with concern.
“No I’m fine, I don’t know how it happened but can you take me home I’m going to collect some stuff and then find a motel or go back to the university.” I said, tears trickling down my eyes at the thought of going back home.
I gave him the address and he drove me straight there. I got down and he said he’d wait. I rang the doorbell, only to be answered by aunt Berne.
“Jacob where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you for 2 days……” She looked at me her eyes filled with tears.
I didn’t want to listen to her. I couldn’t listen to her. I blanked my mind and shut my ears to everything around me.
“Aunt Berne, I’ve just come to collect some stuff, and then I’m going to the university campus.” I stepped beside her and ran up the stairs to my room.
I shoved in everything I could get. I didn’t see my parents or my sister. I ran down and zipped out of the door. I didn’t have the courage to say bye to her. She was the only one I truly loved in that sorry excuse of a family. I turned to look at the house as Will sped off.
Aunt Berne was standing outside clutching onto her hanky. She was crying. My sister came out and stood by her and put her arms around her.
I turned in front and wept. I cried like a kid.
I cried to relieve the hurt. I cried to ask for forgiveness. I cried to allow myself to think again. Mostly I cried because I didn’t want to do anything else. I didn’t want to talk to will. I didn’t want to leave aunt Berne. I didn’t want to live like this.
It seemed like if it wasn’t Chris breaking my heart; it was me breaking Stan’s or aunt Berne’s. I realized I would probably never see Vivian again and then a new stream of hurt and pain engulfed me.
Most surprisingly, I felt anger. Anger at my parents, anger at Chris for reasons I didn’t know myself and at myself for being so foolish.
I sucked in air wiped my tears and sat up straight. Today was the last day.
“That’s it,” I mumbled, “today is the last straw.”
Will must’ve thought was crazy but he just nodded.
“Besides thanksgiving is a good day to start afresh isn’t it?” I rambled on.
Will cocked his head to the side and looked at me as thought I was joking. “Jacob, thanksgiving was yesterday.” He said.
Those words had a resonating effect. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was I really unconscious for 2 days? I closed my eyes and tried to remember everything that had gone about before I got hit.
I was in the midst of my introspection when the car stopped into a driveway. I opened my eyes and looked around. Where were we? I bet this was Will’s house.
Ok quite predictable. “Where are we?” I asked him.
“My humble abode.” He smiled.
He ran out and opened the door grabbing my stuff and gently pulling me by the hand. He opened the door and dragged me in. I stood there flabbergasted. His house was……wow. It was so chic. He either had an interior designer or he had really good taste.
I looked at him and for the first time I saw him clearly full view. I felt like a street urchin compared to him. He was in a fine suit.
The house wasn’t large or very superfluously decorated. It was simple and sleek.
Will continued inside but I stood there at the door worrying if I entered I’d dirty something or even worse break some of the fragile pieces.
I followed him slowly till we reached the couch. He asked me to sit and offered me a drink. I graciously refused. He came and sat next to me. He put his hands around me and hugged me. He caressed me till I began crying again. His every touch reminded me of Stan.
Kind, kaş escort delicate, soothing. He took me to his bed and tucked me in. I sat still staring outside the window at the bustling traffic. It hadn’t even occurred that I was in an unknown mans room, in his bedroom and on his bed. I felt like a whore. A depressed, pathetic whore.
A couple of minutes later will come back in the room, a bowl of hot soup. I slurped a bit and he sat down beside me. He handled the bowl and fed me the soup slowly. We didn’t utter a word.
All the while the only thought going through my mind was- this was all just a dream. After I finished the soup I lay down on the bed and he kept stroking my hair softly mumbling something under his breath. I closed my eyes when I actually heard it.
He was SINGING.
“Tonight, I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight, no one’s going to find us
We’ll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you.” his soft voice was almost inaudible. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest. I dozed off with his soft serene voice engulfing me.
I woke up after what I thought were a couple of hours to find it already dark outside. I looked at the watch beside the bed it was now three whole days after thanksgiving! My head was bandaged and my bag was empty. I walked out of his bedroom to the dining area where he was cooking something over the stove.
I walked up and hugged him from the back. He jumped startled and I looked deeply into his eyes. He brought out two plates and laid them on the table. I sat down and he served me my dinner. We ate slowly and for the first time engaged in conversation since the car. We laughed and smiled and joked about everything. Not once did we touch the topic of my Parents or the night of the mugging.
This was the first night I felt confident. I didn’t feel like I had to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t have to try and impress anyone. With will I was just me – JACOB BERNE.
We finished dinner and I helped clear the dishes.
I moved towards will put my hands around him and kissed him. I don’t know what his reaction was but I know that he didn’t return the kiss. For my part I had my eyes closed.
I stopped and looked up.
“Oh shit! Oh my god – you’re not gay” I blurted out as I realized it clasping my mouth.
“No I am,” he laughed, “it’s just that I want to take things slow. If anything was to ever happen between us I want it to last forever.”
He looked at me. He must have thought that I was upset because he came close and hugged me.
That night I slept on the couch even thought will insisted on me sleeping on his bed. But, I felt like a part of me being ripped out after the kiss. The thought of him not returning it.
I closed my eyes. I was just about to doze off when I felt something near my face. Seconds later, I felt someone’s lips on my own.
I thought I must’ve been dreaming and hoped that those were the lips I was hoping them to be. Somehow the idea of me being with Chris surpassed all judgement and even thought I knew it was not possible, I hoped.
The lights came on after that and I saw will inches from me. It was scary how much he looked like Chris. Every detail, masked by the most gorgeous blue eyes.
I leaned forward and jumped on his lap, wrapped m hands around his neck and kissed him again. This time he returned it without any hesitation.
I knew I should have felt bad, just kissing him then thinking about Chris and now kissing him again but I couldn’t help it. I was now coming to understand what they called people like me – slut boys and I didn’t want to be one, but I couldn’t help it.
Will carried me to his bedroom and laid me down gently.
“Step one and two check.” He said and smiled. We cuddled and went to sleep minutes later. Me, in his arms, his chin on my head.
I woke up very late the next day. And our romance continued with little kissing some baths together and lots of food. I found out things about will that I didn’t want to know and stuff that made me
fall for him. For a while I completely forgot about Stan and dare I say it even Chris.
I saw the same familiarity in Will’s face as I did in
Chris’. He had the same comforting effect as Stan. I was falling in love with him and I’m pretty sure it was evident on my face.
Will was an engineer. He worked with a small company in town. He never let me out of his sight always afraid I’d get hurt or start crying again.
I loved him.
Will would drop me every day to the university and would bring me back every day. I never saw Chris at school in the couple of weeks after thanksgiving and I avoided Stan completely.
We both knew neither him nor I could take another heart break. Weeks passed and I got accustomed to living with will.
On 12th December, a couple of days before the vacations began; I was called to the admissions office.
You see in our university, we pay our upcoming tuition fee for the following year in late January. When they called I was surprised as the due wasn’t for another couple of weeks till after the vacation.
I entered the admissions building and met the counsellor who escorted me to her staff room.
Ben Esra telefonda seni bosaltmami ister misin?
Telefon Numaram: 00237 8000 92 32